CGI Gone Wrong
by etherealfire
Summary: Lights...camera...action! Roll film...WHAT THE! (One-shot)
1. CGI Gone Wrong

Okay, here goes a one-shot that I wrote a while ago, I was pretty bored so I hope you like it:D

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"What in bloody h-"

Richard Roxburgh leaped back, nearly knocking over the cameraman, as a giant bat-like creature flapped its way through the set. Steven Sommers shouted, "Film it! Film it!" Seeing the insane gleam in his eyes, the cameraman hastily complied.

Rox watched, a look of complete disbelief on his handsome face, as the thing landed on an overhead beam and transformed into…him.

It was definitely him, or at least his character. Same sharp features, same dark eyes and long dark hair pulled back with a silver clip, same regal cape, same…_wow, I really am good-looking. _He shook his head. _Wait…_

"Dracula! Wait!" Rox blinked as an extremely clumsy version of his co-actor came running through the set, tripping over several wires as he did so.

Hugh Jackman looked askance at Richard, who grinned somewhat evilly.

Van Helsing lurched to a halt and stared at them. He seemed a bit on the slow side, considering how he was standing there gaping at something directly behind Rox and Hugh.

"G'day, mate," Rox said genially, thinking that it couldn't get any odder than this. "I'm Richard Roxburgh and this is Hugh-"

"Anna."

"No, Jackman." Rox frowned.

"Anna."

Hugh raised an eyebrow.

"Anna."

Both actors turned around to see Kate Beckinsale emerging from her makeup station. "Hey, Hugh!" she said to Van Helsing, then stopped short. "Hugh? And…Hugh?"

"Anna!"

Van Helsing started toward her. "Who…what?" she asked.

"Kate? Meet Gabriel Van Helsing," Rox said, an amused smirk on his face.

Van Helsing just stared at her.

"What? Is this some kind of joke?"

Then Josie Maran appeared, dressed in her harem-girl outfit, chatting on a cell phone. Before she noticed the oddity before her, a cry was heard…

"_Marishka!_"

Everyone stopped and stared at the source of the sound. Dracula leaped off his perch and landed gracefully on the ground. Before Josie could do anything, Dracula had appeared in front of her and, pulling her into his arms, set his mouth against hers so hard that she went limp against him.

Rox stared. "I've got to learn how to do that," he remarked to Hugh, who also stood staring.

When Dracula let go, Josie stared up at him. "Rox? Wow, what was that for?"

"Who is this…Rox…that everyone keeps mentioning?"

"That'd be me, mate."

Dracula turned and stared at his double. "Who are you and vhy are you wearing my clothes?"

"Richard Roxburgh, mate. And you are?"

"Count Vladislaus Dragulya."

Rox nodded. "Thought so." He thought it best not to mention that Josie wasn't really Marishka; he hadn't finished reading the script, but he knew she died somewhere in the movie. "And this is Van Helsing himself?"

Dracula rolled his eyes. "The one and only. Do you happen to know how I could get rid of him?" He gestured to the monster hunter.

Van Helsing was still staring at Kate, who had just about made up her mind to go and get her can of Mace.

Josie had finally woken from the trancelike state that Dracula had put her in. "Wait…if you're not Richard, then who are you?"

"I have already introduced myself," Dracula said, annoyed. "Do you not know me, Marishka?"

"I'm not Marishka…"

"How can you not be? You are she, my darling bride." A devilish smile crossed his face—Richard was studying his every move, some of which ended up in the movie—and Dracula whispered something in her ear. She stared at him and then slapped him across the face.

Dracula's eyes flashed blue and he bared his fangs.

"Holy #&! He really is Dracula!" Hugh Jackman's eyes were enormous.

Dracula turned on him. "If this is not Marishka, then where is she?"

The Son of the Devil found himself face-to-face with a glass lens and an overexcited director.

"Can you do that fang thing again, Vlad?"

"Who…who are you?"

"I'm Steven, and this is the digital/CGI crew." Dracula found himself somewhat unnerved as he was approached by a blond young man whose blue eyes, behind his thick glasses, were glittering just a little _too_ brightly…

Twenty seconds later, Dracula found himself running for dear life, screaming at the top of his lungs.

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Haha there you go, please reviewbecause I have much, much more where that came from!

etherealfire


	2. Driver's Ed

Okay...you asked for it (hides from hurled tomatoes/shoes/flower pots...oh wait that's Garfield...sheepish grin) Here's part 2, actually it's more of a random ficlet that just popped into my head a couple of weeks ago but it does take place in 2005...

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Dracula leaped into the nearest vehicle, grabbing the keys out of the owner's hand as he did so. Grinning, he locked the door as the hysterical man pounded on the window. He inserted the key into the…what had Gabriel called it?...ignition, ah yes, and turned it.

Something roared. He leaped back, hitting his head on the seat, and looked at the steering wheel warily. Nothing happened. He tried again, and held on longer this time, until something made a horrible noise, a kind of KACHGUGUGUGUGUCLUNK scraping noise, and he let go of the key. The car started to vibrate.

He looked out the window triumphantly. By now the owner had given up pounding on the window and was on the ground writhing with laughter. Dracula bared his fangs at the man and looked around him. What did THIS lever do?

He found out as he pulled it down to "DRIVE" and the car lurched forward. Dracula yanked the steering wheel to the right just in time to avoid another car. He saw that there were two pedals on the floor. Tentatively, he pushed down on one. It did nothing, so he stomped on it and the car lurched to a halt. Dracula slammed his face into the steering wheel.

Trying to preserve his dignity, Dracula sat up, brushed a stray hair out of his face as the bruise healed, and, giving a wicked smile, let off the pedal and stomped on the other one much harder than necessary.

His screams could be heard for blocks as the car peeled out of the parking lot.

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Flame if you want, I know it's not that great, but I thought it was funny at the time lol (BAAAAAD driver's ed classes, I had.)

etherealfire :D


	3. I can sense evil

Wow guys, thanks for your awesome reviews! I honestly didn't think people would like this fic that much (well, not the second part anyway...evil grin), but...well, I hope the trend keeps up:D thanx for everything, please keep reviewing!

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It was a dark and stormy night.

Van Helsing stared at the thing, trembling from head to toe. It whirred softly and stealthily began to inch toward him.

"Carl?" It came out as a squeak.

Carl was nowhere to be seen. Somewhere, in the distance, there was the faint sound of—what had the girl called them?—a hair dryer.

Stupid monk. Friar. Whatever.

Van Helsing glanced at the thing again. In the darkness—he still hadn't figured out the concept of flipping a switch to turn on the light—it looked as if it had moved closer. But it hadn't, had it? Heeyed it nervously,took a running leap, and landed on the bed in a crouch.

"Stay away! I'm warning you!"

The thing didn't move. It just sat there, staring at him. He swore it was smiling.

He picked up a pillow and threw it, missing the thing by a good yard. Van Helsing held up the other one warningly. The thing chuckled and began to inch toward him once again. Van Helsing screamed.

Carl entered the room and turned on the light. He stood there, stunned.

Van Helsing was standing on the bed, armed with a pillow. On the floor was a tiny toy that looked alarmingly like a fat little bird with wheels. It was moving slowly toward the bed.

Van Helsing screeched, "Carl! Kill it!"

"But...Van Helsing..."

"My life...my job...is to vanquish evil. I can sense evil!" Van Helsing's voice was steadily increasing in volume. "That thing is evil!"

Carl took another look at the...toy. It turned slowly toward him.

"Fuuuurrrr...bbbbyyyyy..."

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Please review! Btw, in case you were wondering...yeah this one was REALLY random. If you have any ideas, please, PLEASE email them to me! You have no idea how much I enjoy writing this fic (and my other ones), but I need ideas because I get writer's block a lot. Or email them to me (see my profile page), I accept all sorts of (appropriate) comments/suggestions/etc. Thanks guys and lots of hugs!

etherealfire


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